Women Whom Men Should Not Marry Redux
Muslim men in the west are not as lucky as our brothers residing in the Muslim countries. The women in the east have fantastic feminine qualities that even the Christian and Jewish men admire. This disconnect has resulted in British Muslim men abandoning the wild career-oriented western Muslim girls and instead importing a staggering 12,000 prized beautiful brides annually from Muslim countries. We urge Muslim men living in the west to be extremely cautious when searching for their eternal beloved from within the west.
Our original article was met with mixed reactions. Some saw humour, some saw flames, and some reached for their blood pressure medicine. Of course these are not hard and fast rules but rather guidelines for our eager bachelors.
If you’re easily perturbed then pop a Xanax pill before proceeding. If you feel like swearing and hurling contumely then reach for your wallet, take some cash out, and donate it to the needy. You’ll feel better guaranteed. This perfectly segues to the first type of women you ought not to marry.
1) Misers: Oh bachelor, sorry to break it to you but women are now considered equal to men in society. So test her by the standards men are tested by. If your prospective bride confesses to not having donated any charity in the past year rest assured she will be stingy with love and affection as well. You think you would be coasting through your doctoral studies on that miserable stipend while she supports the household on her income? Think again. Equality means whatever you earn she spends and whatever she earns she also spends. If a woman is generous by nature move her up your list.
2) Babushkas: You are sitting on that 1970s ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ sofa of your prospective bride’s parents’ house and they serve you tea and biscuits. Then the woman makes an entrance. Everything’s cool so far. Then your pupils widen as you see her mother. Babushka! If you want to see what your prospective bride will look like 25 years from now then you don’t need a plutonium powered DeLorean. In the future she will more than likely look like her mother looks like now. And if portly babushkas are not your style then steer clear.
3) Liars: This may come as a surprise because feminists have etched the ‘liar’ title squarely on men. Don’t be fooled. Women are extremely cunning and can wrap an intelligent man around her little finger. Hard to believe? Read “Of Vice & Men”. In the course of your chaperoned courtship if you find her prevaricating and contradicting herself then run for your life and don’t look back. If your prospective bride is always truthful then move her up your list.
4) He’s-Just-a-Friend: That’s right. You already know. These types of girls keep male friends whom they claim are platonic. Meanwhile these platonic friends have been calling her and trying to deflower her since day 1. If a woman is daft enough to believe that men and women can be “just friends” she is too daft for you. If your prospective bride has no male friends move her up your list.
5) Drama Queen: These types of girls really do make mountains out of molehills. Frivolous insignificant things become a crisis in her mind. She is not satisfied until she sucks you deep into her histrionics. Not even her female friends can stand her drama. One of the tell-tale signs of a drama queen is that she’ll call other women drama queens.
6) Da’wah Addicts: This one is a little counter-intuitive. Shouldn’t your ideal wife love to give da’wah? The answer is no. Da’wah is a man’s job. The women who are involved in da’wah are a major distraction derailing the sincerity of many young brothers. Such women are also hyper-aggressive and will take on international causes like “Free Syria” while she doesn’t even know the names of her neighbours or hasn’t baked a cake or sent gifts to them. Da’wah addicts revel in such cognitive dissonance and also tend to interact with a lot of males. If the woman you are considering is more concerned with taking care of her parents, changing her young siblings’ diapers, praying at home, reading Qur’an at home, and looking after her garden then move her up your list.
7) Ice Women: This is difficult to gauge on your own. You will need your sister or mother’s help on this one. If she has no warmth in dealing with babies or children and she is logical and standoffish like a man then you’ll have Margaret Thatcher for a wife. Have your female relatives evaluate how she handles herself around babies and children. That will directly correlate to how affectionate she is with you. If the woman you are considering is loving and affectionate, and you determine that indirectly, then move her up your list.
8) Hijab Tutorial on YouTube: Come on. Women know how to veil themselves instinctively. Do men need tutorials on how to wear a trouser or a disdasha? Women who spend more than 60 seconds wearing a scarf or a veil are not wearing it for modesty but to beautify themselves. And ask yourself. Do you really want to marry a woman who hawks her wares on YouTube for the entire world to see while some khaleeji dude sitting in Kuwait or Sharjah is getting off on those videos? If the woman you are seeking for marriage has no YouTube videos of herself move her up your list.
9) Convention Groupie: These women go from Islamic conference to conference following young Imams. They flock to the masjid when young Imams visit. They coo over them like a bunch of peacocks. They send honey to their hotel rooms if the Imam complains of a scratchy throat during the lectures. They cackle like geese to each other on how handsome he is or how suave his accent is rather than focusing on the content of the speeches. They spend days away from their father’s home in “religious retreats” in other cities. Avoid convention groupies like the plague. They are like regular groupies except that they have a scarf on their head. If the girl you are considering for marriage is too modest to be a convention groupie then move her up your list.
10) Hand on Hip Picture: If the girl you are considering for marriage has a hand on hip picture or a pouty lip picture anywhere move on. Enough said.
11) Attention Wh***: If a woman feels the need to regularly share her pictures in different outfits with her friends just so they reply with a “Oh you look so beautiful, so gorgeous” compliment or she feels the need to broadcast to the world the pudding she ate or how the restaurant she is having lunch in is “off the hook” then she is craving attention. And she will continue to do so while you’re hard at work trying to feed her and the children. In contrast, the woman of your dreams does not want to be in the limelight. She does not derive her energy from fans or friends. Rather she is a woman with high self-esteem and a spiritual dynamo who understands that the energy that sustains her is from her Lord. Move her up your list.
12) Make-Up Queen: If the woman you are seeing for the purpose of marriage always has make up on then you should request that in the next meeting she wear no make-up. This is really important because this is what you’ll see in the mornings. Oh bachelor, note that a woman who is a 9 in beauty with make-up on can shockingly be a 2 or a 3 or a 4 without make-up. Or she may be a 7 or 8 without make up. It’s really hard to tell. You must see her face in its natural state. If the woman whom you are considering for marriage is to your liking without make up then move her up your list.
13) Undomesticated: This is the wild variety we mentioned at the outset which cause British Muslim men to import 12,000 domesticated Muslim brides each year. The wild variety will consider cooking and cleaning as demeaning and will consider that as the work of a maid. Take note. You don’t complain that you are a slave or a servant to corporate interests when you wear that jugular constricting tie each morning and slave away at the office for her. Then why does she complain? Because she’s wild. As renowned British matchmaker brother Mizan Raja tells us, Muslim men just want a homemaker to come home to a clean house and a plate of food on the table. If your prospective bride does these things with pleasure and she is a domestic queen then move her up your list.
14) Disrespectful: Look here now bachelor. Respect is the #1 thing men want from a wife in marriage. The default of Muslim women used to be automatic respect until the man does something heinous enough to cause the woman to stop respecting him. Now the tables have turned. The wild woman of today will say “You have to earn my respect”. So there is immediate tension between the genders. Here is how you find out if she will be respectful with you. The key is to observe how she interacts with her father or elder brother. A woman who talks disrespectfully about her father or talks to him disrespectfully or shouts at him or yells at him or argues with him or displays intransigence with him will undoubtedly disrespect you as well no matter how well you treat her. You have to find out how she behaves with her father. This one is a deal breaker brothers. Sooner or later. Better make it sooner.
15) Ungraceful: Lack of grace in a woman is common. But being ungraceful is cringe-worthy a taint for a woman to possess. Grace is something difficult to describe but you know it when you see it. It is the way in which a woman walks, carries herself, handles herself with people, and it is how manners and etiquette manifest in her and most importantly how she uses or misuses her tongue. The most graceful women are gentle, generous, forgiving, never backbite or gossip, and they consistently make wives you can be proud of. Usually grace is inculcated into a woman by her family. Grace is a marker of breed and nobility. If you are lucky enough to find a graceful woman move her immediately to the top of your list.
16) Barren: The fruit of your loins is ever-ready to sire the next generation of glorious Muslims. So marry the fecund and loving. If you are not inclined towards progeny you can skip this point.
17) Gazer: This woman will make direct eye contact with you. Not only you, she may even have the audacity to make prolonged eye contact with elders of your family in an initial meeting. In the west this is an admired quality. But Muslims consider such women impudent. There is a reason behind that. Poets and authors of the great Islamic cultures have written elegant poems about the effect of a woman’s eyes. The very way she raises her eyelids and eyes could cause a thousand warriors to fall. This is a privilege she ought to bestow upon her husband only. Only he should be captivated by her beautiful eyes. In the good old days women would not look directly into the eyes of adult men who were not her husband or close blood relatives. This was part of her innate shyness and modesty. Even today you will find a lot of eastern brides casting their gaze down in shyness during their weddings. This is a beautiful quality to possess because she will then raise her eyes to look deeply only into her husband’s eyes. If the woman you are considering for marriage refuses to make prolonged direct eye contact with you or looks away and blushes when your eyes meet then move her up your list.
18) Open Communicator: This girl will reply to your e-mail with vacation photos, graduation photos, and details about herself you didn’t even ask about. She will be super warm and friendly and cute and will give you her phone number if you ask her. Men call these the pump-and-dump types. The modest girls on the other hand are very matter-of-factly and will give you her father’s phone number, not hers. She may even bite back hard if she thinks you are asking her anything personal. She will observe strictly the limits set by her father and by Islam. If the girl you are considering for marriage is strict in communication with you then this means she will be strict in communication with other men after you marry her and you can trust her completely. Move her up your list.
There are many more points to consider and the eager bachelor is urged to explore more resources and use the above advice as a guideline in conjunction with our original article. Oh bachelor, may you be blessed by graceful, righteous, beautiful wives of your dreams.