Women Whom Men Should Not Marry
Most Muslims know the famous saying of Prophet Muhammad (S) in which he mentioned that a woman can be married for wealth, status, beauty, or her religion and that her religion (piety) was the most important factor to consider.
Scholars have expounded upon this by adding to the understanding of the types of women a man should not marry. The great jurist of the last century Shaykh Muhammad bin Saalih al-Uthaymeen taught Muslim men that seven types of women should not be married:
1) Al-Annaanah: The woman who whines, moans, and complains and ties a band around her head all the time meaning that she complains of a headache or some illness but in reality she is feigning illness.
2) Al-Mannaanah: The woman who bestows favours and gifts upon her husband then in the future reminds him “I did such and such for you or on your behalf or because of you”.
3) Al-Hannaanah: The woman who yearns for her former husband or children of her former husband.
4) Kay’atul-Qafaa: The woman who has a brand mark on the nape of her neck meaning she has a bad reputation or doubts about her.
5) Al-Haddaaqah: The woman who casts her eyes at things meaning she is always looking at something to purchase, then desires it, and then requires her husband to buy it no matter what.
6) Al-Barraaqah: The women who spends much of her day enhancing her face and beautifying it to such an extent that it will seem like it was manufactured.
7) Al-Shaddaaqah: The woman who talks excessively.
His eminence outlined this advice to the men of the Muslim nation and for that the nation is much obliged. To that I can add the following modern phenomenon that requires careful consideration:
1) Twitterer: A woman who uses a twitter account for anything that is not related to keeping in touch with her relatives or for professional work (e.g. a gynecologist tweeting child birth advice). Our advice is to stay clear from twitter users who use it for non-family or non-professional reasons. Some women use twitter to stay connected to Islam and Islamic knowledge but they quickly fall into useless conversation and openly flirt with and/or praise their Shuyookh/teachers on twitter. If a woman does not have a Twitter account move her up your list.
2) Facebookers: Facebook is now one of the leading conduits of the break-up of marriages. Any woman who has pictures of herself displayed on her Facebook page should be automatically disqualified. If she is not shy to have millions of men feast their eyes on her then groom beware! If she is using Facebook for strictly business or for staying in touch with only her female friends and her relatives then an exception can be made. If a woman does not have a Facebook account move her up your list.
3) Professional/Career types: Muslim scholars of classical times and contemporary times have explained that a woman has no need to go outside the home to earn a living. Her father, brother, grandfather, husband, son are all there to provide for her. Career Muslim women will say Khadeejah bint Khuwaylid (RA) worked. In fact she hired men to work on her behalf. She was not out in the markets bartering and trading. Even speakers such as Yasir al-Qadhi have stated that women should not work except in a couple of professions such as teaching girls and gynecology. Muslim women marriage counselors have stated that a major cause of disruption in marriages is the inflexibility of the career wife. Avoid career women who go out to corporate offices and intermingle with men in the course of their work. If a woman loves home making, cooking, cleaning, and raising children move her up your list.
4) Temperamental types: Any woman who cannot check her emotions and is prone to frequent angry fits over little things should be avoided at all costs. If a woman’s temperament is cool as a cucumber move her up your list.
5) Non-virgins: Do not marry a woman who lost her virginity outside marriage or even engaged in any sexual exploits such as kissing and such outside marriage. According to psychologists these women have attachment issues, tremendous baggage, and may compare you to her previous lover(s). If she was previously married or widowed or if she is a convert then there is no harm in marrying her. If a woman did not lose her virginity to anything except a marriage then move her up your list.
6) Truculent types: The last thing you want is a woman who argues with you about every insignificant thing. There are women who know when to back off from an argument to keep peace in the home and there are those that will want to have their way. Avoid at all costs the truculent types. If a woman is wise and non-argumentative move her up your list.
7) Non-hijabis: Do not marry non-hijabis. Too many men have married a non-hijabi because she promised she’ll wear a hijab afterwards but that never materialized and he’s left in embarrassment as his friends can see his wife’s hair and the shape of her bosoms and hips. Just don’t fall into that trap. If a woman wears hijab, move her up your list.
8) Non-haya types: You can spot these women easily. They may even be wearing hijab. But they do not have any shyness when talking to a man. They will ease into a conversation with a stranger man in her college class or work or public just as easily as she would ease into a conversation with a woman. This is not her fault. She was raised in an inclusive environment where men and women are ‘equal’ and so her dealings with men and women are also identical. If the woman you are talking to for marriage blushes or lowers her eyes instinctively when you say “Salaam” to her then move her to the top of your list.
9) Daughters of men who are in haram professions: If a woman’s father is a banker, loan officer, pork farmer, gas station owner who sells lottery tickets and alcohol, brothel owner, night club owner, pays interest on his house or pays interest on business loans then avoid marrying his daughter if she sees nothing wrong with those professions/transactions. Your wife will be the mother of your children and will teach your children what is acceptable and what is not. If she deems nothing wrong with those professions steer clear. If a woman is the daughter of a man who is in a halal profession then move her up your list.
10) Contemptuous feminist types: While feminism in general has died a protracted death in America, Muslim feminism is currently riding a wave. If a woman you are talking to for marriage shows signs that if she were asked to make a sandwich and tea for you on a Saturday morning she would not do so except as a chore or begrudgingly then steer clear. In fact you shouldn’t even have to ask her. It should come naturally. Just as naturally as you go to work 40 hours a week for the family. There are two types of women. Those who consider home making a humiliating chore and those who love to please their man by making him dinner and soothing conversation after a long day or after a long week. There are niqabi women who have come on CNN and proudly boasted that they make their husbands do the dishes. If you are an impuissant man and can deal with that then all clear. If you cannot then steer clear of the women who wear the pants in the family because our Prophet Muhammad (S) has stated that the man is the leader of the family. The leading cause of American Muslim men going abroad to marry brides is the high percentage of contemptuous feminists in the marriage pool in America. If a woman feels happy about the thought of pleasing her husband then move her to the top of your list.
There are a lot of other considerations and guidelines provided in the Sunnah and the eager bachelor is urged to add to his knowledge by researching further. I pray that Allah grants you a beautiful pious home maker(s) who will be the delight of your eyes and the coolness of your soul.